It’s Time to Start Saying NO to Others Agendas
Say YES to YOURS
How to ditch your innate people please qualities and start saying, “Yes”, to the life you are manifesting and consciously cultivating
In every relationship in our lives, even the relationship with our self, it’s essential to set natural and consistent boundaries to protect ourselves from toxicity and allow more space for us to experience life in the light that we intend. In any toxic relationship or situation, you can hone in on poorly defined boundaries, and different morals that didn’t line up with the other persons.
Physical boundaries can be easier for us to identify and set, as they are tangible and easier to navigate what feels safe, comfortable, and tolerable. But, navigating internal boundaries is much harder and takes a larger amount of self-awareness and confidence to speak your truth.
3 keys to remember when setting your own boundaries include:
- Recognize that it’s not your job to make anyone happy
- Trust your intuition
- Learn to openly communicate what you want to others
The holidays are a crucial time period to set boundaries, so that you actually enjoy yourself, and don’t spin your wheels trying to make time for everybody, but yourself and your closest family members. These boundaries may include your guidelines around gift giving, or simply travelling to attend get togethers. The holidays can be a very overwhelming time period, where the demands can easily outweigh the joy that should permeate the cool air.
Boundaries might sound like:
- I understand you’re frustrated right now with the situation at hand, but please don’t speak to me with that kind of tone. Lets cool down and talk at another time.
- I would appreciate it if we didn’t gossip with one another about others (in our workplace, in our family, in our neighborhood) anymore.
- If you text or call me, I’ll get back to you at a time that works better for me. I am not always in the mood to have conversation. I have to take care of myself, and with that, I have to be aware of when I am stretched too thin to attend to others needs.
- I really would love to go (insert fun event) out with you tonight, but this week really exhausted me and I would be feel better if I got a good night of sleep and cuddled up with my favorite blanket and cat on the couch tonight.
Boundaries include an action:
“I’m going to have to end this conversation and we can pick up at a later time, if you can’t respect my feelings.”
“I am going to change the conversation every time we are discussing others in a negative light instead of using our valuable energy on discussing ideas! If you continue, I don’t think it’s a good idea that we stay connected. We have different goals and perspectives on this one.”
“If you cannot respect what I’m saying about needing some rest and relaxation and down time, I’ll need some space apart.”
Boundaries can be used in:
- ANY relationship
- With your significant other
- With your best friend
- With your co-worker
- With your boss (shocker!)
- With your neighbors
- With your ALL of your family members
- With your students/athletes/coaches
When you’re not used to setting boundaries with others, boundaries can feel selfish, confusing, guilty, and all consuming. You may experience regret after setting boundaries because it’s a new thing you are practicing, but you have to remember that you HAVE to fill your cup up, before filling others up. Often times I think we forget that responding to emails, telephone calls, social media direct messages, etc., are ALL other peoples’ agendas!
I hear so many people talk about how they spend the first hour of their day (which is certainly my most refreshed hour before daily life chaos ensues) playing catch up to everybody else’s questions. Lets use that first hour to take care of our mental health, preparing ourselves for the day ahead! Instead lets use that first hour to get out into nature’s abundance, drink your coffee in the morning solitude, or attend a new exercise class!